Grand Chokmah Sour
by ohdearyme
Summary: Jade has a night on the town like usual and Luke manages to join him. Guy is, naturally, somewhat horrified. GuyxLuke, light JadexPeony. Rating for alcohol use.


A/N: This story's kinda inappropriate, mainly because it contains alcohol. Spoilers as well.

Disclaimer: I am not attempting to promote people getting drunk all the time or ever or at all like this. Don't do drugs, guys D:

Grand Chokmah Sour

"Get me another Grand Chokmah Sour, please." Jade slurred over the bar, his colonel uniform uncharacteristically loosened at the neck and his glasses askew. Guy frowned from his position behind the counter, immaculate in bartender uniform.

"I know I'm an excellent bartender, but you really shouldn't keep drinking, Colonel."

"My dear Gailardia," Jade said, suddenly lucid: "are we forgetting who is the senior here?" Guy shrugged and began mixing another drink. Perhaps if there was enough alcohol in it, he'd pass out quicker. At least Guy didn't have to support the drunken Colonel back to his office; Peony was usually granted that special honor.

Guy, concentrating on mixing the drink, didn't notice as Luke slid onto the stool beside Jade with a carefree, "Whatcha drinking?"

"Tea," Jade replied blandly, sliding it towards the redhead before Guy could protest. "Guy here made it specially," he beamed.

"Luke, don't drink -"

Luke spluttered and sprayed a good portion of the drink onto the countertop. "What the hell? This isn't tea!" Jade smirked as Luke continued, "Actually, it's pretty good," and tipped the cup back.

Guy brought a hand to his forehead wearily. "You...drank it all," he said, pretty sure that if Madame Fabre ever caught wind of this, they'd reinstate capital punishment. "Are you even _allowed_ in the bar?"

"I'm seventeen!" Luke replied angrily.

"Mentally you're seven, so you should be fine if you leave your brain at the door," Jade said blithely, adding, "So can I get another, Bartender?"

Guy considered refusing, but a flash of those red eyes reminded him this very tiny bar could become a large pile of ashes if the Necromancer were provoked unduly. "Fine, fine," Guy replied, handing him another drink of unknown origin.

"Why are you even bartending, Guy? We could be training or something." Luke murmured unhappily, eyeing Jade's drink.

"Want some more?" mouthed Jade as Guy replied, "Well, I thought I'd earn us some money, seeing as we barely had enough Apple Gels to cover our injuries in the last battle."

"We could always just ask Madame Fabre," Luke said offhandedly. Guy noticed that he didn't call her Mother very often anymore: now he apparently felt Asch had the true claim to the family, no matter how much the God General didn't want it.

"Eh, but that's a long way to go," Guy replied, cleaning another glass with an abused-looking rag.

Noticing that Jade was almost finished with yet another Grand Chokmah Sour, Guy muttered "What are you drinking yourself into a stupor for this time?" Jade ignored him.

Three hours later it was nightfall, and Jade had slipped Luke a sizeable amount of drinks under the table. Luke was becoming less and less discreet as time went by (it was very lucky that Guy was waiting on other people, or he definitely would've thrown him out) and had fallen to giggling every few seconds. Jade, on the other hand, showed no ill effects except for a need to lean on the counter. The hum and din of the small room came to a stop suddenly, as Emperor Peony himself walked in the door.

"Your Majessssty!" some unfortunate drunk slurred, earning a hissed "Shut _up_!" from his peers. Peony smiled and waved before seating himself beside Jade.

"So how's the nightlife here, hmm?" he asked.

"How did you know I was here?" Jade replied, stirring something that was probably even worse than a Grand Chokmah. Luke giggled, and Peony, evaluating his state in a matter of seconds, chose not to comment.

"Anise Tatlin dropped by to see if I'd be interested in dating her, but I told her we've got to keep our burning passion quenched for six more years. I figured you'd be here, of course. I set your friends up in a room in the palace. You should join them once you're not -"

"I'm not drunk. See?" Jade followed his own finger's movements left and right before collapsing onto the bar again.

"Right. Well, you have always been the stoic. C'mon, I'll take you home," Peony wheedled. "Can't let you embarrass yourself in front of my subjects," he added conspiratorially, chuckling because Luke had just fallen off his stool and was wandering away.

"Fine, let's go. I was done anyways," Jade added before standing up with the support of his blond friend. "I can still do your paperwork better than you, even inebriated," he mumbled before shuffling out of the bar. Peony spared one last look for Luke, who was smiling innocently to some girl who, judging from her confused expression, didn't understand what he was saying but very much wanted to get to know him. Comforting himself in the fact that his rappig's namesake was not in any potential danger and still under Guy's watchful eyes, he followed Jade.

* * *

Several hours later, it was extremely clear to Guy that he'd made an error in judgment in allowing Luke to stay at the bar for more than a few minutes, mainly because he was drunk to the gills. The girl at his side earlier had taken to him and was clamped to his side like a limpet. She was rather pretty, but seemingly unaware the Luke wasn't paying her any special attention and would've talked to a wall all night if he had to (Guy had seen him in this mood before, of course. Not drunk, but after eating lots of sugar). She was indeed very clingy - it was kind of funny to see her hands wander and watch as Luke absently batted them away without any regard for their intention. 

Still, Guy was not exactly sure he approved. Yes, it was definitely time to leave for the night.

Spying another bartender, he asked for a relief; thankfully, the man agreed. "Luke, we should go," he said rather loudly, trying not to touch the girl. She glared at him, and he stepped back nervously. Luke, seeing how serious he was about leaving, disentangled himself from the girl's clutches and stage-whispered to Guy, "You don't need to be afraid of her, Guy, she's nice."

Guy flushed, eyed the now-smirking girl, and took Luke by the shoulders to walk him out of the bar. Surprisingly, he was much more compliant when drunk. He did, however, almost walk into the doorframe, and that was definitely not an improvement.

"Guuuuy," Luke whined, drawing out the syllables like he did when he was younger, "Do I have to go to bed yet?" He was very wobbly, so Guy had to support him, forsaking any dignity and simply wrapping Luke's arm around his shoulder in an effort to get him to walk towards the palace without falling over.

"Err, no, we've got to walk somewhere first," he said, attempted to make it sound fun. Luke frowned petulantly.

"This sucks. That girl was nice, I wish I could've talked longer. She told me about girls in different places and said Kimlascan girls were all snotty sluts, just like Malkuth girls were all very friendly. Do you think Natalia's a snotty slut?" He said this all very quickly and didn't enunciate, so it took some time for Guy to decipher it. When he realized what Luke had said, he was slightly disturbed.

"Luke...are you sure you know what slut means?"

Luke paused contemplatively. "Smart...?"

Guy laughed, then attempted to sober himself up before replying, "No, it's a very mean thing to call someone."

"Oh, was she not nice, then? Weird. I think I'm going to be sick," Luke said, and Guy quickly shoved him in the direction of the bushes before he started vomiting.

"Ugh." he mumbled, coming back to lean on Guy once he had finally finished. "She wasn't nice then, I guess, and not that pretty either."

"Hmm, I don't know, looks-wise she was alright." Guy said, trying to ignore the strong scent of vomit while getting them through the courtyard. Double-tasking was hard sometimes.

Luke chuckled, then started outright laughing as he leaned toward Guy, slurring, "You're prettier than heeeeer," Oh Lorelei, he was really drunk, and it was all Guy's fault. This belief was only heightened when he wrapped his arms around Guy's neck and planted a sloppy kiss on his lips before attempting an open-mouthed one. It was a drastic failure. Guy gagged, pushing him away.

"You taste like vomit," he mumbled, red face matching Luke's hair in the moonlight. Luke laughed again.

* * *

Ending Note: Semi co-write with noetma at livejournal; we bounced ideas off each other and I totally took some of her genius phrases! Thanks, Yumee. 

And of course, I wouldn't have thought of this if I didn't spend two hours every other day in health class with a conservative gym teacher. I would like all of us to take a moment to thank aforesaid idiot, because in the boredom of his class anything can come to mind.

Uhh, if anyone yells at me because canon!Jade is not alcoholic, I will tell you that he is at the least very sketchy. Don't deny it! YOU ALWAYS FIND HIM IN BARS. And you know it wouldn't affect him badly 'cos he never has a hair out of place, really, not even in volcanoes.

Woo, edited this so it's probably better now! Also, apparently I spelled Chokmah wrong...smart right?!


End file.
